Mention coffee dates in the online dating world, and you’ll quickly discover that people have strong opinions.
Some people think a first date should be dinner. Others want drinks, a walk in the park, or an activity. As for me? Give me a cup of coffee and a comfortable chair, and I’m happy.
Here’s why.
First, coffee is inexpensive.
When you’re meeting someone for the very first time, you’re really just trying to figure out whether you’d like to spend more time together. It doesn’t need to be a grand event. A cup of coffee costs a few dollars and takes the pressure off both people.
Second, I don’t have to spend two hours figuring out what to wear.
Maybe it’s just me, but getting dressed up for dinner feels like a lot of pressure for someone I’ve never met. Coffee dates are more casual. I can show up looking like myself instead of feeling like I’m preparing for a formal interview.
Third—and this may be my favorite reason—a coffee date can be as short or as long as it needs to be.
If the conversation is awkward, the chemistry is missing, or the guy spends 45 minutes talking about his ex-wife, I can politely finish my latte and be on my way.
On the other hand, if we’re enjoying ourselves, there’s no rule that says the date has to end after the coffee is gone. We can order another cup, take a walk, or continue talking.
Coffee dates provide flexibility, and flexibility is a wonderful thing.
Most importantly, I see first dates as a way to gather information.
That may not sound romantic, but it’s true.
The first date isn’t about deciding whether I’ve met my future husband. It’s about finding out whether I’d like a second date.
Can we hold a conversation?
Do I enjoy his company?
Does he seem honest?
Am I comfortable around him?
If the answer is yes, then great! That’s when a relaxed dinner becomes much more appealing. By then, we’ve already passed the first hurdle and can focus on getting to know each other instead of worrying about whether we’ll want to escape after the appetizer.
For me, coffee isn’t a sign that I’m not serious about dating.
It’s actually the opposite.
It’s a simple, low-pressure way to meet someone, be myself, and decide whether there’s enough of a connection to continue.
And if there isn’t?
Well, at least I got a good cup of coffee out of the deal.
What about you? Are you a coffee-date fan, or do you prefer something else for a first meeting?
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